Forging Ahead

by Karen Sutton

Lockport, New York

from Fall 1996

My therapist helped me deal with a relationship that was abusive. It almost drove me to suicide because I couldn't deal with it. He helped me get out of that terrible relationship. He also helped me regain self-esteem. Now, if I didn't have a therapist, I would still be in that abusive relationship. It would have driven me off the deep end. I couldn't have gotten out of it. This is coming from my heart: therapists are very important to people with mental illnesses. We would be lost, and the hospital would be our only choice. Hospitals are not always needed, thanks to therapists.

The drop-in center made the difference when I felt like hurting myself and didn't want to be hospitalized. I was in depression, not feeling good at all. Sam, at the drop-in center, helped by talking to me. This made me feel better and more relaxed. One of my friends brought up religion. It made me feel depressed and suicidal. Sam talked me out of those feelings. If the drop-in center wasn't there, I would have ended up in the hospital. This is coming from my heart. The drop-in center is open 24 hours a day for people who need someone to talk to. This is better than the hospital. At least when it is not really needed, at least, not right away.

The Compeer program has helped me get out of the apartment and get involved in their programs and activities. My Compeer friend has always helped me in her own way. I am very happy to belong to Compeer. They make me feel part of the program. If it wasn't for the program, I would never get out. I would have never kept busy with my friend. This is coming from my heart. This program is important to people with a mental illness. They feel better and get out and get involved. It helps them enjoy life and make new friends.

These are the services I have needed to forge ahead. Without my therapist, the drop-in center and Compeer, I either would have been in the hospital or taken my own life.

One thing that I have noticed about myself is that I have a hard time expressing my feelings. I keep them all locked up inside and that's not healthy. I find that writing helps me to relieve the stress and anger. If I am upset, I don't show anyone what I write, but it does help to get my feelings down on paper.

Dealing with my manic-depression, I found out about myself that some days are more of a struggle than other days. I do talk to my therapist or Compeer friend about the things that are bothering me. If anyone feels that too much is going on in their lives, don't be afraid to talk to someone. We all need to learn to express our emotions, whether anger or hurt, so we don't take our feelings out on ourselves and can let the person who is making us upset know about it. If anyone feels they have a hard time expressing their emotions, talk to a doctor or therapist, because they can help you express those feelings in a positive way.

One thing that I have a hard time adjusting to are the changes that happen in my life. My therapist is leaving, and I'll be seeing another therapist for a while, till they hire a new one. It's hard for me to get used to seeing someone else. Speaking for myself, I know it's a part of life, but it's not always easy. I have learned to take one day at a time and to accept the changes, because there is nothing I can do about some things. Plus, everybody goes through changes in their lives.

I know for myself that, with my mental illness, which is manic-depressive, there are times that I feel that this has something to do with me, that's why my therapist is leaving. But that's not true, because my therapist has other clients also. If anyone is seeing a therapist who is leaving, please remember that I know it's not easy to change therapists, and that it has nothing to do with you. Also, give yourself a chance to get to know the new therapist and the therapist a chance to know you.

If anyone does have a mental illness, please, remember this: I know in my heart that we are all strong people, and whatever changes come our way in our lives, that we can adjust to them, and that they are a part of life and everyone goes through it. This is coming from my heart, that I hope that anyone that reads this, knows that I do care and though we have a mental illness, we are all special people. Adjusting to anything new is not always easy, but I know we can do it. One day at a time. Be easy on yourself. Love yourself always.