My Mental Health Primer

By Pete Palmer

My sister Ann is an editor of Mental Health World. Through her sharing with me and through reading the wonderful and insightful articles in this journal, I've come to a much greater appreciation of what it’s like to live with mental illness. I'm truly thankful that I've had this

opportunity to learn, grow, and understand my fellow human beings. Regardless, the oldcliché about "walking a mile in someone else's shoes" is appropriate here - I truly don't know how hard it has been for you and I'm afraid you might find my comments clichéd and trite. Nevertheless, minor as though they may be compared to yours, I've had my own trials and tribulations to endure, my own bouts where I've truly wondered if I've "lost it", and have struggled mightily with depression over the past few years. What I give you here are simply my means of coping on a day-by-day basis, means by which I attempt to alleviate stress in my life, and some basic rules to help myself become a better person.Get outside: Whether it’s work or home, a space that's too familiar can bring negative thoughts, the guilt of tasks left unaccomplished, and the temptations of TV, food, or rest. I've always found a sunrise or sunset to be much more enlightening than mumbling through some prayers at church. And given so much of God's creation that's out there in front of us, why not honor the Giver by experiencing something new and ever changing? Get exercise: There are few things in my life that I find more uplifting than exercise, and an honest sweat from a good workout is one of the most productive forms of therapy. When I'm flying down a hill on my bicycle going 40+ mph and totally focused in the moment, my problems are far from my mind and seem petty and miniscule. A fairly busy routine that includes hockey,cycling, and hiking keeps me healthy, gives me more energy for my daily tasks, and makes me like myself a little more for not giving in to the inevitable effects of time and gravity. Moreover, the resulting endorphin kick is my favorite buzz - cheap and all natural. Be grateful: Whenever I'm down about my life, I try not to feel too sorry for myself and think about friends and others who are in far worse circumstances. While it may not be good karma to elevate one's feelings by comparing one's plight to those less fortunate, it is certainlyappropriate to be thankful for one's health and find joie du vivre. It’s so hard to fight the heavy weight of depression to see what's right in front of us if we could only open our eyes - a smile on the face of a friend, the unabashed laughter of a young child, or simply the joy of a new day.Truly, there is much to be grateful for.

Don't be afraid to emote: I've given up trying to be a Vulcan in complete control of my feelings. I've always admired passion wherever I see it, especially the passion that burns so bright that it ignites and invigorates those around us. I worry about people who take life too seriously andcan't laugh at themselves - laughter has been a time-honored tradition for coping with life and death. When I'm upset at the "powers that be," circumstances, or simple bad luck, I let out my frustration and gripe freely to my friends. Doing so gets it off my chest, so that afterwards Ican then start thinking more productively about how to address the situation. And when I think of friends and family who have passed on, I don't try to fight the tears and grief - I let it pass through me and feel cleansed as a result. Emotions are our birthright and we should feel free to experience the whole spectrum of them all as human beings. This includes the good as well as the bad.Be realistic: I know perfect is not real, only an ideal. Surely one of the hardest of life's lessons is indeed confronting and accepting one's failings. Here, I'm sure I'm my own worst critic. I'm the livingembodiment of the "Peter Principle" - at times I feel as if I'm an incompetent husband, father, teacher, and researcher. I've abused alcohol in the past, and while part of me thinks I should abstain, another part says its OK so long as I'm not using it on a daily basis. The funny thing is that I've found that even when I do abstain for long periods of time (a ritual each Lent for several years now), the depression still lurks within, and when it gets to be too much, I find some other nonproductive coping mechanisms such as watching too much TV, devouring sci fi books for days, and being generally antisocial and unapproachable. I've realized I cannot blame substances for my behavior, and that I have to live with my internal demons. While I try to keep them at bay, I occasionally need to feed the beast and not stare too long into the abyss. And I have to try and accept myself as I am, for to do otherwise is a dark path I don't want to follow. This doesn't mean than I can't or shouldn't change, but it does mean that I don't have to solve all my problems today. This is called being realistic. Maintain your balance: These coping mechanisms have brought me this far in life. But the most important has most certainly been balance. Balancing the many demands of family and work with my own needs, as well as the range of emotions seems an impossible task. But like a tree, I bend but do not break; I flex and grow. I accept that there will be good times and bad, and that this is all part of a package deal. And when my patience wears thin at the end of the semester from endless questions from students in my classes, never-ending demands on my time from the university, another rejection of a research proposal, and a workload than never shrinks butonly grows, I take some time off during the summer to recharge my batteries and count myself as being extremely lucky that I have a job where I can do so. It is a never-ending tightrope we all walk, and balance is the key to it all. I am truly astonished by the stories I've read here, at the horrible pasts that hound so many of you, at the day-to-day struggle against your chemical imbalances, and the incredible tales of courage and hope. I'm incredibly proud of my sister Ann, who has persevered through several bouts of hospitalization and shows more patience, understanding, and wisdom than I've ever possessed. And while I've stood by her when she left home as a teenager when everyone else turned their backs, I've also failed her in a bout of manic depression when I simply could not give her the answers or help she needed at the other end of a phone thousands of miles away. She forgives me in the same spirit that I've accepted her and her condition. These are our gifts to one another. I pray for her and you all - for only in sharing can we lighten all of our burdens. And I leave you with this quote that a friend passed on to me in a time in need:Each morning a new dawningEach day a new beginningThis joyYou feelIs Life.