I began to self-injure at a very early age. At first, I smoked and drank and then did drugs to cover up the pain and confusion. When I stopped all that, I was cutting and burning myself to cover up the pain from being emotionally, physically and sexually abused. I also knew that people around me could not see the injuries from the sexual abuse, so as a cry for help, I physically injured myself.

As I grew older, the self-injury became a kind of addiction. I would cut myself and burn myself. It was as much an addiction as my drug and alcohol use became an addiction. As I got older, I felt I deserved to be punished all the time because of the abuse growing up. Even today, I feel I deserved to be punished. I would wear pants and long sleeved shirts all summer long to hide the scars. As time passed, I realized that I needed to substitute this destructive coping method with a more positive one. I went to counseling and a day treatment program and learned nothing. But when I started at Crossroads IPRT (Intensive Psychiatric Rehabilitation Program ) in Wellsville, New York, within three months, I started to see a change in myself. My self-esteem was rising up and it still is.

If you meet someone you know or suspect self-injures, please be there with open arms and be as understanding and supportive as possible. If you can’t relate, just listen. That helps too. The knowledge and the tools I have gained help as well as a good support system. I have found out a lot. We are not alone. Each of us is a walking miracle today.