I began to self injure at a very early age as a result of abuse by several family members. I believe that I began to self injure in order to substitute the psychological and uncontrollable pain of my abuse with a physical pain I could control fully. I also knew that people around me could not see the injuries from the sexual abuse. So as a cry for help I physically injured myself in hopes that someone would ask the right questions and save me from what was happening. As I grew older, the self injury became a kind of addiction. I needed to harm myself because I felt a lot of guilt and self loathing as a result of what was done to me. I would cut myself, burn myself and force myself to purge after eating because I felt I deserved punishment.

Eventually I was unable to stop harming myself. I would purge every time I ate. I would bite myself in response to flashbacks or panic attacks, and I would feel the need to cut myself in order to be able to sleep at night. As a result of my need to punish myself I lost all control and hated myself more and more. I felt extremely guilty about the scars people often asked about. I started wearing long sleeve shirts in the summer, and tried to hide all signs of my eating disorder. As time passed, I realized that I needed to substitute this destructive coping mechanism with a more productive one.

Through therapy and a strong, understanding support system, I have been able to decrease the frequency and severity of my self injury. It has been a difficult battle which is far from over, but I’m closer to healing than I have ever been. If you meet someone you know or suspect self injures please be as supportive as possible. It is not necessary to remind him of the dangers of infection or other things that could happen as a result of the self injury. Believe someone who knows; we understand the dangers, and feel enough guilt and embarrassment over our scars and our pasts.

Please don’t add to this. Self injurers can only stop if they have a lot of support and understanding of people around them.

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