Hope
By Evelyn Velasquez
I would like to share with you my experience with depression and how I overcame it:
Even though I was terribly depressed and had lost all hope of getting better, deep inside me, I yearned to get well again and overcome this nightmare that had invaded my life. I had a son to live and fight for; he was four years old at that time. It broke my heart to think that if I didn’t get better, he would be cheated out of a mother that he so much deserved and needed. I also wanted to see him grow up and give him all my love. I felt so selfish getting sick when he most needed me. This added to my depression; a feeling of guilt overcame me to the point of attempting to take my life. I didn’t want to hurt anymore or shame my family with my illness. I thought this would be the solution to all my problems. I felt like a failure at everything I tried to do, including being a good mother and role model to my son. I questioned God over and over why I was going through this and what I had done to deserve such punishment. I had always tried to be a good human being. It wasn’t until later on that I realized my experience was meant to make me a stronger, better and wiser person. I now believe that at the end of life’s storms there’s always hope and a reason for everything, even if we don’t understand.
I recall what my mother had gone through and all the obstacles she had overcome. Eighteen years ago, she had an accident in which my youngest brother died. He was only five years old, and my mother was 38. They were hit by a police car on a chase. My brother died instantly and my mother was left fighting for her life. None of us expected her to live. The doctor had given her three hours to live due to her internal bleeding that would not stop. She later told me that she never gave up hope; her inner strength and will to live kept her going. She said the thought of her kids kept her fighting. With tears in her eyes, a broken body and heart, she fought for her life. She overcame death that was knocking at her door and she won. It’s been 18 years and she’s still around to tell her story. She was my inspiration and I was her daughter.
I knew that I had the same fighting spirit that I had to put to use if I wanted to survive. I thank God my mom and all the people responsible for my well being supported me. I feel this experience has enriched my life. In many ways, it helped me discover how strong I really am and how we sometimes underestimate ourselves. This is what keeps us down. My advice to everyone is believe in yourself and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t. Our power lies within us; it was given to us by our Lord. Let’s use it and be on our way to getting and feeling better.