I tell people that one needs an arsenal to get through depression . Mine has included good medical care, regular exercise, a strong support system of family and friends, persistence, music, yoga and meditation. At about the time I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder twenty years ago, I felt drawn to a class of yoga. My children were infants and I was able to hire a baby sitter once a week to get out for a few hours. I had heard yoga was about stretching and I had already discovered that I am not a person infatuated with "aerobics."

Looking back , I see that my journey toward recovery was paralleling my journey into eastern healing ways. From my background as a western overachiever, I knew how to get A’s in school, push hard on the athletic field, and get that empty table at the crowded restaurant. What I didn’t have much experience with was how to let go. At the end of each class, a few minutes was reserved for lying still and allowing the body to completely relax, trying to clear the mind. We new agers know the drill "if thoughts come into your mind as they will, let them float away giving them no importance." Within a few sessions, I could strike a triangle pose, form a yoga mudra, even balance in a good looking shoulder stand but I was having major problems with the relaxation.

It probably took about three years before I could even begin to really lie still. I found another teacher who knew how to soften the lights, play some quiet music and invoke peace. Growing up on the Atlantic Ocean, I had found that when life seemed crazy and I was bobbing and swaying, I could always go down to the sea and stare out over the vastness. This brought me serenity. I found my center on those rocks as the waves broke over the wet sand.

It was one of the most difficult losses I’ve experienced, moving inland away from the coast. However, I was forced to find that the peace comes from within. Through practicing yoga, I gradually discovered that there is a place within me where it is calm and quiet. I carry the center I need wherever I am and I have the ability to access it by taking a few deep breaths. For a person with out of control mood swings, this is powerful tool. I have found that this breathing and stretching has helped me with my highs, with the feeling of my motor racing. Although it can be useful when I am depressed to maintain a routine of morning yoga exercise at home, I haven’t as yet been as successful in alleviating the lows as the highs. I can summon this center in my mind but it does not bring me out of the serious depressions.

One of the scariest nights of my life was when I was admitted to the mental health floor of the local private hospital by ambulance. I was acting uncharacteristically high and not communicating well with my family, who were frightened by my thoughts and actions. Never having before or since been hospitalized, I was shocked that a person could be admitted against her will and even restrained with no apparent reason. I was traumatized by the ordeal of the hospital, particularly being confined to a room where I would have to spend the night alone without my husband. When the day dawned, I rose early and asked a nurse to open the blinds so I could see the sunshine and practice my stretching and breathing. I was able to talk very rationally with approximately 20 staff members over the course of the day who fortunately agreed with me that I would be better off at home with my family. They released me and I did not have to spend another night there. I’m not sure how I would have summoned the composure and calm needed to deal with this situation without my morning yoga.

Throughout the journey to wellness, I have found a stretching out of the difficult times and gradual lessening of the peaks and valleys. There is no way to tell, however, whether this can be attributed to medication, better use of these tools or just more understanding, experience and acceptance. It doesn’t really matter. Yoga and meditation have taught me how to begin to live in the moment with attention to and awareness of each movement, each sound, each flower, each breath. It has allowed me to feel, in a healthy embracing way, a strong connection with the entire universe, what has gone before and what will be in the future, a timelessness, so to speak, a powerful feeling of unity with all mankind. One teacher recently reminded me that one never knows which moment could be the perfect one. This has helped me to remember that it can be any moment at all.

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A Footnote about Meditation and Yoga

Meditation occurs in stages with rituals that create a sense of familiarity and security as we arrange our seat, loosen our belt and bring our legs and hands into place. It is described as maintaining stillness in the body, achieving relaxed breathing, systematically relaxing the body, establishing an awareness of the breath in the nostrils and perhaps attending to a mental sound or mantra. With relaxed breathing, a respiratory flow can occur, pressing from an outer to inner self-awareness. As a railroad train of thoughts, feelings, impressions, sensations, desires and memories pass along the tracks of the mind, we can choose to climb aboard or remain watching from the crossing. One learns to stop the critical, judgmental inner dialogue and self-condemnation instead of joining the thoughts and emotions and accepting ourselves as we are. We become witnesses as we let thoughts come and go without holding onto them, remaining in the present rather than journeying to the past or future. This is not an easy skill to acquire. Experience in the best teacher. Some meditators liken this experience to slipping beneath the surface of the waves while snorkeling. The waves have not disappeared but they have lost the power to toss and turn you. This practice of being aware of the breath will lead to a relaxed state of mind so when the mind becomes distracted, your natural inwardness will bring you back to your center of awareness and stability. For some people, this flow of breath can help become a resting place, keeping your mind relaxed and steady.

Source: Rolf Sovik, "Breath Awareness, When Mindfulness Meets Concentration," June/July 1997 Yoga International.)

There are many books and classes about this topic. One book I like is Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Yoga is a meditation in motion where one moves the body slowly, paying attention to one’s breathing with awareness of each movement. There are certain positions practiced called asanas that have been used for centuries. Yoga means unity of body, mind and spirit.